I recently wrote a satirical piece as an audition for a new show on the BBC. I have included it below as I thought it was quite funny.
Honestly, I think if you had just woken up as a fully formed adult, or somehow were an alien, and you landed and looked at the top ten news stories on any media platform, you’d think.
“Well I may as well just die now.”
It’s terrifying. America seems to be on the verge of voting in a maniacal business man with a wall fetish. Turkey and Russia are about to start blowing each other up for some reason, which no one in the west can really work out. Some German politicians are arguing for police to start shooting immigrants, completely unaware it seems of one of their forebears called Adolf.
At home our political system is now so hilarious, that any time we hear that a politician has done something unthinkable, fucked a pigs head, fiddled expenses, sold a national institution to his mates, we just laugh and carry on. And when one appears that looks like he might actually have some morals. He is portrayed as a sort of child raping, terrorist kissing heathen, who couldn’t possible have any idea on what’s right for the country. Who in parliament is met with a sort of braying, nasal belch from all benches. Like Lord Melchett from Blackadder with adenoids.
We don’t even care any more. We are so numbed by the sheer endless splatter of terrifying headlines and awful politicians, that as long as it doesn’t interfere with our Netflix and chill time. Marks and Spencers keep doing their two for ten quid meal deals and ten quid get’s a bottle of red, that we can throw down our throats to forget it’s nearly Monday. We just truck on, sitting in ever longer traffic jams and ever tighter train carriages, whilst austerity strips all services from around us.
It’s not all bad though. I mean we have the Kardashians. Amazing role models for our future generations. A family that are famous for doing, well really, they’re famous because one of them had sex with someone else, filmed it and released it on the internet and that their Dad is now a woman. you literally couldn’t write this stuff. Trust me I‘ve tried.
Credit where credit is due though, they have made massive arses a thing. And who doesn’t like a massive arse. Ooh, hang on, maybe that’s why we let our politicians get away with so much these days.